Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Yes, please.

I'm not what one would call a sex toy aficionado. I have two. Well, I have two that I actually use. And I rarely ever use them on my own--they're usually brought in as relief players when the star of the team gets benched.

I've never, ever looked at a sex toy and said, "I MUST HAVE THIS FOR MY VAGINA!"

Until I saw this.


Someone is buying herself and early birthday present.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Do you Hitachi?


You know you're lonely when Hitachi becomes a verb.

Monday, March 28, 2011

I'm practically a pro

So, for the second time in less than a year, I have attended a stripper/pole dancing class. I think I was the only one who didn't have sore leg muscles from all the grinding and squatting. I also didn't have any bruises from the pole. And after the reaction I got last week from some of my favorite bitches, I think I might be on for a possible part-time job opportunity.

I plan to try out my new skills for Mr. Dipple this week- as soon as payday rolls around.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Orgasmic Gardening

Our church congregation is starting a community garden. I think this is a fabulous idea, and I can't wait to get started on it.

However, I'm a little disturbed by the letter sent out to everyone about it.

Maybe it's just because I haven't gotten any in awhile, but methinks someone gets a little too excited about fresh produce.

What do you think?

Brothers and Sisters, have you ever stopped at a roadside stand and bought fresh fruit and vegetables? You slice those plump, round tomatoes, put them on a sandwich, and bite into them. Juice squirts out of them and the sweetness fills your mouth. There’s only one thing better, and that’s picking them fresh from the garden. Luscious fresh fruit and vegetables dripping wet with dew, shining in the morning sun! Okay, maybe that’s a little over the top but you catch my drift. Melons are firmer, rounder and sweeter, cucumbers thicker and longer, corn plump and ready to explode in your mouth, and all of them have a freshness and goodness that can’t be found in the grocery store. They not only taste better, they are better. Wholesome and filled with the vitamins and minerals we need. And in these difficult economic times, you can trade a little bit of time and energy for the food your family needs.

This Saturday we'll meet at our new Ward garden on the [redacted]'s land. We will be breaking the virgin earth, tilling the fertile soil, and spreading our seed. The more hands the better, so I hope you can all make it!

Sincerely,

Brother [redacted]


I'll have what he's having!




Sunday, January 2, 2011

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Kinky Sex Dream -Without the Animals

I had the dirtiest dream last night. Dirty dirty DIRTY. And not the good kind of dirty. You know the kind I mean. The kind with a shirtless James Marsters nibbling your ear (among other things)...Ok, not exactly the image I was looking for here...

Ah! That's more like it! Grrrr...

Nope, this dream was more along the lines of a swingers party. A swingers party filled with disturbing people. Disturbing people with gross, gross fetishes. I can't even write about it it's that gross. Let's just say there were bodily functions involved at one point. And there might have been a cage. And I there's the chance I was a dominatrix for a while there.

Why did I dream this? It's freaking (and grossing) me out. I don't watch porn, or even especially dirty movies. I don't think I'm a closet algolagnia um, person. Algolagnian? You know, some one who gets off on pain. I don't think I'm a gross fetishy person either. Hell, I'm not even a regular kind of fetishy person! Spell check is telling me that "fetishy" is not a word. Spell check can suck it.

Ok, so I was curious what one of those dream interpreter websites would say about my freaky dream, and here's what I found (the whole section is just as it is on the website):

Oral sex

To give or to receive oral sex in your dream suggests eagerness to provide or accept gratification and happiness. It is a representation of your artistic vigor and reaffirms that you are taking the correct path in life. The dream may also be a retort on discussions about sex. You may have to articulate your sexual wishes and desires to your lover. It is also possible that your dream on oral sex is an actual manifestation of your sexual fantasies.
A dream about you performing oral sex on yourself symbolizes a yearning for self satisfaction.

Anal Sex

To dream about anal sex symbolizes compliance and obedience. You harbour concerns about revealing your inner thoughts and emotions to others for fear of experiencing pain

Pig

The presence of a pig in your dream stands for filthiness, greediness, stubbornness or self-centeredness. The pig may also stand for richness and overindulgence.

Sex

Sex represents teamwork, stability, serenity, fulfilment, affection, harmony, matrimony, relations, and adoration. All aspects of your life are in perfect balance. It can also denote that you are satisfied with your home life.

Stag

To see a stag in your dream symbolizes elegance and liveliness. You may have an opportunity to have your reputation or social position improved. You will gain inner peace and satisfaction.

Penis

To dream of seeing a penis in your dream refers to your sexual urges, power and virility. To see an exceptionally huge penis symbolizes qualms and worries about your sexual energy, libido and sexual activities.

Satyr

To see a Satyr or dream that you are a Satyr suggests that you are yearning to express your sexuality rather than keep those feelings and wants pent up inside.

Orgasm

Having an orgasm in your dream symbolizes an electrifying conclusion to something. What is absolute for you? On the other hand, it may represent the lack of sex in your life and your need to express some of your sexual hang-ups.



Ok, am I missing something? I had a freaky dream, but it did not involve a pig, stag, or a satyr.

Maybe my dream wasn't that strange after all.